CARRIBEAN SEA —
Nicolas Maduro, the former dictator of Venezuela, has reportedly cancelled his ADT home security contract following the U.S. Delta Force raid that apprehended him.
“I was paying a pretty penny for ‘complete home protection’ but my home was very clearly not protected,” he stated during his exfiltration aboard a U.S. 160th SOAR helicopter. “I got swarmed by Delta operators without so much as a notification from the ADT app.”
“I told him to hire more bodyguards and put another deadbolt on the door,” griped Maduro’s wife, Cilia Flores, “he never listens.”
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