MINNEAPOLIS —
Public libraries across Minnesota are set to begin a new program of free classes promising fast and easy riches to residents. The brainchild of Rep. Ilhan Omar, D-Minn., and Democratic Gov. Tim Walz, “Cash for Communities,” promises residents a fast and easy way to become incredibly wealthy.
“We figured out a way to take taxpayer money and funnel it through preposterous NGOs and then just keep it or send it to nefarious people overseas with little oversight,” stated Gov. Walz. “We are talking about billions and billions of dollars and we can’t launder at that scale.” Rep. Omar added, “So, we decided to give back and offer these classes as a way to spread the wealth, particularly among our residents who shouldn’t be here at all.”
Two residents, Samatar and Awees, expressed extreme anticipation for the classes and told Commingled News that “we intend to buy a national chain of hotels as nice as the one we have been furnished at no cost for the last 15 months.”
Gov. Walz added, “I’m obviously concerned about federal investigations into my fraud so we have to get while the gettin’s good.”
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