WASHINGTON —
Senators Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and Bernie Sanders (I-VT) have introduced legislation that would provide assisted living services for active members of Congress. “Health care is a human right,” declared Sanders, “and just because we can no longer control our bodily functions doesn’t mean we can’t effectively fight against those even wealthier than we are.”
McConnell, who announced he wouldn’t seek re-election, explained, “as many of us age well beyond our productive years, it is critical we have access to assisted living services at the Capitol.” “Help with bathing, grooming, dressing, eating and pooping is necessary for us to continue to serve our constituents,” he added.
Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), quipped any such bill would be, “dead on arrival,” in the House. “I’m not unsympathetic to their decrepit conditions but with D.O.G.E. (Department of Government Efficiency) lurking behind every corner, those funds could go towards freeing Palestine or funding Antifa protests around the country.”
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